(no subject)
lily_rose21
I sit here thinking about earlier and I wonder how much he really loves me. A little over 2 years of marriage and the sex is still great, but does he still love me? While he was in Iraq, I got the most beautiful letters. It was re-reading those very same letters last week that had me writing him one, just because I missed that part of us. But there has been no reciprocation of said letter, just some really great sex. And now thinking about it, I wonder if he did get the card I sent to him and he responded with sex this evening. Don't get me wrong, I love having sex with him, but I want more. Do I have to tell him this? Why should I have to tell him? I guess I'll just have to question him about it and gauge his answer with my heart. I don't want to have to ask him to show me love outside of sex.

(no subject)
lily_rose21
I just did a pretty naughty thing. See, I sent an e-card to my husband last night, telling him how much I love him and the like. I set it to send me a pick-up confirmation email, but I never got it and I was really looking forward to it. So, I looked into his email and saw that it was deleted. In the trash and my heart broke a little. This is just over 24 hours after he spent an hour telling me how much he loves me and how much I've made his life better. That I've been the one person he's been looking for all his life. I feel like a complete ass for swallowing the line. I believe him when he tells me that I'm beautiful, even though I'm still carrying baby weight and all. I believed everything he said last night about needing me and loving me and how we were each other's soul mates. I don't know why I looked, I know better than to do such things, but I just couldn't resist the urge to see if he'd gotten it and just hadn't checked his email in awhile and that's why I hadn't gotten the pick-up email. I wish I could take back the last 20 minutes or so and not have done what I did. But I can't and I'll have to deal with my inner demons about doing something I shouldn't have. But now, do I ask him about getting it or do I leave well enough alone? This man could lie to me and I'd never know it, he's that good of a liar. And like I've said before here, how can I trust a man who says lying isn't wrong because it isn't written in the Bible. This is a guy that was raised in a very Christian household. And did he even read the letter that I wrote to him last week, or did he say he read it only because I asked him about it when I got no response from it? Now I'm plagued with all the question and no answers. Do I even want answers?

Why are men so flipping stupid?
lily_rose21
I hate stupid men, so that means at this exact moment I hate my spouse. He pulled a really dumb and hurtful thing on me 2 mondays ago while he was in Yuma, AZ. He and his stupid friends were bored so they thought it would be a good idea to do prank calls. Anybody who's ever done a prank call knows you don't call someone you know, you pull out the phone book and pick a random name. But that's not the worst of it, when they called they impersonated an officer and told me that my husband was caught cheating on me with another man. Now, I don't care about the whole male on male thing, I'd even over look the impersonating an officer (hubby is in the military and that's a BIG no no. Both the male/male and the officer impersonation)but factor in that I'm almost 25 wks pregnant and things start to get a little hokey. That and I'm not the type of person to pull a prank on. I have no real sense of humor, I don't find alot of things funny. He knows this, has known it from day one, but he still gave them permission to call me and do this. According to him, that's not what they were supposed to say, but this is also the same guy who said to me on Wednesday that lying wasn't wrong because it never says it in the Bible. So, honestly, how am I supposed to believe anything that comes out of his mouth from now on. I can't let go of this, it makes me sick to my stomach whenever I let my mind wander. I shouldn't have to question the words that come out of my husbands mouth. He hasn't done anything to make me believe that he's as sorry about this as he claims he is. This weekend, he's logged about a total of 20+ hours on a freaking video game or gone to play paintball with people he works with. I'm hurt and I don't think he gives a rats ass about it. What's a girl to do?

just another night
lily_rose21
my husband left to go to yuma, az today for 6 wks and to be honest, I'm glad he's gone. he's been back from iraq for 8 months and as much as I love him, he drives me crazy. especially since I got pregnat. I've been really quite touchy about being touched(no pun intended there, really) and he's been really pushy about touching me and wanting to be kissed. the more he pushes, the more I resist and pull away. I've always been like that, the more anyone pushed me the more I dug in my heels. I don't think I'm wrong for feeling this way, but sometimes I feel bad, but then he acts like he's 5 and then I don't feel quite as bad as before. I want to throttle him sometimes, but I think it's the hormones raging out of wack. he's taken to calling me bi-polar, which is off, but sometimes an accurate way of looking at it.

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